i hate you

assalamualaikum.

dear Encik Capital A,

i hate you.

i hate you for making me falling in love with blue
even when my favourite colour is red
and now it's both red and blue
and the combination of red and blue is purple
which it is my favourite colour too.

i hate you.

i hate the way you smile, because
your eyes will partly shut and
there will be crinkles around your eyes,
which is supposed to be ugly!
but when it is on you,
it is lovely.

i hate you.

i hate you for making me liking
the awkward and silent moments
between us.
i hate you for making me addicted to
the long travels and distance,
our random conversations ,
nasty fights and jokes.
i hate you for making me not
hate it at all.

i hate you.

i hate you for making me go back home,
when what i want to do is to roam the universe
and greeting death with smile.
i hate you for worrying about me and listening
to my rants and be there for me
whenever i want to cry ,
whenever i want to shout ,
whenever i want to puke or sick ,
or for anything at all.
i hate you because you care about me
even after i spit ,
even after i throw a tantrum ,
even when i feel like i don't deserve
your care at all.

and i hate you,
yes, i hate you,
because truly,
it is opposite of the truth,
and sometimes i am not sure
if you have the same feeling
like i do.

but,
life is too short to say i am not sure
and thinking twice on things that you
already know and feel.

so,
my confession,
i love you!