i am a coward

assalammualaikum.

i like you for a long time.  i won't say very because i had liked someone else way longer than i do to you, but it is still a long time. you don't know and i will try with all my might and power never to let you know because most the time i really think its better if you don't know about this.

you know, for me, personally, i like the part where i could fantasize about the what ifs. you see, now, i like to make up ridiculous scenarios in my mind that i know full well won't ever happen. i don't like the sound of facing reality because then it would all be crushed into pieces. i don't think i could recover from the shock if you were to reject me, i don't think i could even look at your face heck even your silhouette would disturb me if that happened.

but you know, sometimes i get greedy. my mind wandered off to the most ridiculous what ifs of all what ifs. what if one day, you know about my feelings? would you be happy? because if you would, i would love to tell you this. would you tell me that you share the same feeling? because if you would, i would love to tell you this. don't worry though, i don't think i will ever have the courage to pull off those kind of stunts so you definitely don't have to prepare a gentle speech to let me down.

i'm the type that has a crush on someone and just let it be for years without doing anything about it and one day i'll find someone new for me to crush on and i will get over you when the time comes. the me now thinks that its really sad that i will get over you maybe today, maybe this week, maybe this month, maybe this year but the me in the future probably would feel better with crushing on another person instead.

i know that this is pointless and it would lead to nowhere because i'm too much of a coward to say anything or even acknowledge this feeling that i have for you. but, the me now really hopes a miniscule part of you feels the same way and this would not be the same pointless crush , i would not get over you today, tomorrow, this week, this month or this year. the me now hopes that the endless loop of hoping will end.

but it really is pointless because in the end i would still doing nothing while hoping blindly that you will do something instead. so for now, just let me be. like i have always been. if you found out about my feeling and you don't feel the same just let me be and pretend that you know nothing because maybe today, maybe this week, maybe this moth, or maybe this year i will get over you and find someone new.

' a coward is incapable of exhibiting  love. it is the prerogative of the brave.' - Mahatma Ghandi